I went to the Trial-Sentencing of one of my Prison-Chaplaincy Clients. It was the 1st-Time that I’d ever professionally been present at the Trial of one of my Clients. It was a very Intense-Atmosphere. At 1-Point, during the Judicial-Proceedings, People were actually crying & weeping as well as leaving the Courtroom. It was as if the Trial itself caused People to visualize the Crime which had taken place. (Literally) everyone in the Courtroom felt this, even if they chose to not manifest it: it could be seen within all of our Eyes. As for me, this has had me anxious&worried since the Trial-Sentencing Date had been confirmed. It was something constantly on my Mind & it had actually made me numb to Lots of Things prior to This-Trial.
What affected me the most though was: the Pain which my Client caused their Victims & their Loved-Ones, the Shame which their own Loved-Ones were experiencing. All of these Varied-Emotions within 1-Setting. There were even Written-Testimonies from the Victims of the Crimes which my Client actually admitted to (they copped a Plea-Deal), which were deeply intense, describing the Nature of the Crimes, albeit Things which I already knew working on their Case. But, to actually hear the Words of the Victims, via their own Words, was quite differently captivating. I was witnessing all of this, not being surprised at the Sentencing-Outcome. However, I had myself asking myself: “Did I do enough via my Professional-Capacity?!!!”…”Was there any Way I could’ve seen Prior-Signs, which would have allowed me to attempt to help them prior to their Crimes?!!!”…etc.
Prior to their Sentencing, I actually asked the Person what prevented them from coming to seek my Help. And, they told me that they were afraid of being judged (in spite of the Fact that they know I’d never been judgmental towards/against them). That hurt me particularly, that they felt that ashamed, that they felt they had no one whom they could’ve possibly turned to…they were that afraid of being judged. It made me actually be more conscious, in Terms of me working harder, to be that much more Non-Judgmental. That Courtroom-Experience helped me a Great-Deal, to remind me that Certain-People actually want to do Good & want to live Right. But, there must be More-People whom’re empathetic enough to receive Troubled-Persons & to truly empower them.
Gareth Bryant
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